I have been writing "Eulogy for X" for two days now, and already someone is trying to shut me up. This person swore at me and called my blog posts "fantasies".
I promise you, these posts are not fantasies. They are my memories of what happened between me and the person who raped and molested me from the time I was five until I was fifteen. There is no way I would make up a story that horrific and post it publicly. There are people who know the truth. They will stand behind me.
I have the right to tell the story of what happened to me. I do not have any obligation to protect a dead person who violated me repeatedly and terribly. I do not have any obligation to protect the feelings of those who might be hurt or upset by my story. I am sorry if people are upset. But I was the victim. People should be upset that someone hurt me. They should not blame me for having the courage to speak the truth.
I did not ask to be raped and molested. I did not do those things to myself. X raped and molested me. That is the truth. Blaming the victim is the coward's reaction to an unpleasant truth. It is the reaction of a person in denial.
Those who truly care about me will believe me and stand by me. Those who don't believe me. . .well, who needs them?
My friend Marty taught me the importance of living an authentic life. The only way I can do that is to tell my story in a public forum. It is essential to my healing process. However, I am not forcing my blog on anyone. Anyone who does not like what I have to say is free to stop reading my posts. But I have received more positive responses than negative. That tells me that sharing my story publicly is the right thing to do. Not only does it help me let go of terrible events in my life, but it allows me to share what I hope will be, by the time I'm finished, a message of hope and healing.
X took my power from me when he raped and molested me. After twenty-five years, it's time I take my power back. I cannot allow others to take my power away just because they are uncomfortable knowing the truth. And that is why I will continue to write "Eulogy for X".